Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize