I feel great
I just peed on a car
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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