I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize