i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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