im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Are we still banned from the library?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
