really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
