9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
