lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
