It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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