youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
