Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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