omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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