margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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