sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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