just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize