Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
