I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
