flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
