Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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