You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize