I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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