hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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