When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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