I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
