This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
