3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
