i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
