Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
