ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
