Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
