Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
