I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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