We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
NoShamevember. You game?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
