his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
