Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
