So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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