Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
