Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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