I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
