Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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