My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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