real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
