she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
