Is it because I queefed?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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