No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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