In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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