I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize