so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
