The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
4 words: hood of his car
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
