Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
