Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize