Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
