Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
