im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize