Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
