Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
