He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
