I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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