Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
