I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He felt like a one man threesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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