is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
