I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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