Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
