Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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