Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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