my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize