there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
