3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A+ Viking dick
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
