I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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