You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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