saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
