I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize