I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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