he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
