I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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