Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
