oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize