i think my tv is drunk
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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