Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
