Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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