Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize