According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
