I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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