I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
false alarm, still single
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
