today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
