Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
