I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
