We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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