What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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