Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
